Well well well... they say we never stop learning. And I learnt another lesson of life a couple of days back. And the lesson was that of failure. It might sound surprising, but I have never thought that I had really failed in my last 21 years as badly as I felt on Saturday. And boy o boy, was it a tough lesson to sit through!
A quick summary. It was the final round of company X's Recruitment drive. Just the last hurdle I had to clear - back to back interviews, games to play and basically to carry myself well throughout the day. I did all that well, and I really mean I did well. The interviews were a dream - never before, had I given such unblemished, assertive and magnificent interview. When I got up after my interviews, I was sure I am through. No human, whoever they were , could have the courage to not pick me up after such a marvellous display of skills. I was dead sure about that! I caught hold of my friends (who had come for the same assesment) and headed out for two back to back movies at the posh theatres downtown.
But I guess I was a little too sure. After one movie was over and I was still reeling under the effects of Penguins (Happy Feet), my friend got a call on his cellphone - he had got into X. Wow! I was so happy for him. The next thing I started to do was to take a look at my own cellphone - did I feel it vibrate or ring as well. Ah.. not yet. They are still calling - there is no way they can't take me in.
But the creeping python was all over me. All through our train ride to our next movie destination, I could keep feeling my heart beat rise with every minute. Did my phone just ring? No it didn't. Was there a slight vibration.. nah not yet. Or maybe its the tunnel? The train is running through a tunnel and signals are hard to catch by.. yeah that's right. Meanwhile, my friend was making frantic calls to all over the world - parents in India, friends, remote friends, enemies - "I am into X - London training, treat". I made a mental list of all people I would call up. First to mom and dad, and then to my brother - so what if I haven't spoken to him for over two weeks. This is the best time to make up . I will call up all my friends, even remote ones.... O damn it..!!!! Just Ring !!!!!!!!
The train was out from the tunnel, by then all the rest of my friends too had got the call from X and by the time we reached the movie theatre, I was finding it hard to walk. No way, I could sit through another movie - I am gonna die today. It juz can't be. What did I do wrong! Why is it that I am being tested for the power of endurance, why not someone else? Ah.. god. You can't be so unfair to me.
I ultimately didn't go for the movie and came back to my room. Couldn't have been so sad in my life. The canteen owner, where I brought my food everyday, spoke to me for the first time in 4 years.. and the first thing he asked was "Why are you so sad"... and I couldn't hold on anymore. Somehow, telling a stranger of how I felt was more comforting than anything else in the world at that moment.
The whole night, the only thing which went through me was --- why me? Why me, after such a splendid interview, with so many credentials - Dean's List, innumerable internships, awards, why couldn't I get through and simple others could get in? It was too much of a shock and a gulp in my throat formed which was too hard to swallow...
I din have the courage to tell my parents that I had failed in their eyes - the man who was once so sure in his life that no company could reject him would actually call them up to break a news of rejection. No I can't do that.
It was my first introduction to failure.. first time when I couldn't think of what I could have done better to get in. First time, when I felt I was at the receiving end of unfairness. So many first times, that I juz took refuge in a movie stored on my computer and slept ...
A quick summary. It was the final round of company X's Recruitment drive. Just the last hurdle I had to clear - back to back interviews, games to play and basically to carry myself well throughout the day. I did all that well, and I really mean I did well. The interviews were a dream - never before, had I given such unblemished, assertive and magnificent interview. When I got up after my interviews, I was sure I am through. No human, whoever they were , could have the courage to not pick me up after such a marvellous display of skills. I was dead sure about that! I caught hold of my friends (who had come for the same assesment) and headed out for two back to back movies at the posh theatres downtown.
But I guess I was a little too sure. After one movie was over and I was still reeling under the effects of Penguins (Happy Feet), my friend got a call on his cellphone - he had got into X. Wow! I was so happy for him. The next thing I started to do was to take a look at my own cellphone - did I feel it vibrate or ring as well. Ah.. not yet. They are still calling - there is no way they can't take me in.
But the creeping python was all over me. All through our train ride to our next movie destination, I could keep feeling my heart beat rise with every minute. Did my phone just ring? No it didn't. Was there a slight vibration.. nah not yet. Or maybe its the tunnel? The train is running through a tunnel and signals are hard to catch by.. yeah that's right. Meanwhile, my friend was making frantic calls to all over the world - parents in India, friends, remote friends, enemies - "I am into X - London training, treat". I made a mental list of all people I would call up. First to mom and dad, and then to my brother - so what if I haven't spoken to him for over two weeks. This is the best time to make up . I will call up all my friends, even remote ones.... O damn it..!!!! Just Ring !!!!!!!!
The train was out from the tunnel, by then all the rest of my friends too had got the call from X and by the time we reached the movie theatre, I was finding it hard to walk. No way, I could sit through another movie - I am gonna die today. It juz can't be. What did I do wrong! Why is it that I am being tested for the power of endurance, why not someone else? Ah.. god. You can't be so unfair to me.
I ultimately didn't go for the movie and came back to my room. Couldn't have been so sad in my life. The canteen owner, where I brought my food everyday, spoke to me for the first time in 4 years.. and the first thing he asked was "Why are you so sad"... and I couldn't hold on anymore. Somehow, telling a stranger of how I felt was more comforting than anything else in the world at that moment.
The whole night, the only thing which went through me was --- why me? Why me, after such a splendid interview, with so many credentials - Dean's List, innumerable internships, awards, why couldn't I get through and simple others could get in? It was too much of a shock and a gulp in my throat formed which was too hard to swallow...
I din have the courage to tell my parents that I had failed in their eyes - the man who was once so sure in his life that no company could reject him would actually call them up to break a news of rejection. No I can't do that.
It was my first introduction to failure.. first time when I couldn't think of what I could have done better to get in. First time, when I felt I was at the receiving end of unfairness. So many first times, that I juz took refuge in a movie stored on my computer and slept ...
