Its 4:30 am in the morning here at Singapore. The morning sun is still to light up the sky but I believe I have strongly been hit by it already. I haven't really been able to sleep whole night.. waking up in breaks and reminscing about my earlier life and what's been going on lately. I hate myself over a lot of things. A lot of things which I know I shouldn't do but I just can't stop myself, a lot of things which I know I shouldn't say but sadly can't help not saying. And the worst thing is that I have never really cared of what I had been doing wrong until today. Until now, when the thought of losing a very dear one is very strong and the thought that the person whom I love might never be mine for that reason. Is it just too late now?
On this most auspicious day of the Hindu year, I make a pledge to change myself in what I say and what I do. Why am I changing myself for someone else? I don't know. The only thing I know is I had a conversation with Him today and I know this is the right step. I will be completing my part of the promise and the rest is upto Him.
And why am I publicly posting this? For the simple reason, that I want to stand up and take responsibility for whatever I have said and done and for people to remind me if I stray from what I pledged today.
Happy Diwali to each and every one.
